Self care, Part 1

When you hear the term “self-care” do you think, “wow that’d be great” or does it make you cringe a little, worried you’ll seem selfish or thinking you don’t have enough time for that? Self-care has had a bad rap in the past, often being paired with something decadent and self-indulgent. And sure, it could be overdone and selfish if taken to an extreme. Hollywood’s elite leisure lifestyles play right into that. This is not what we’re taking about. Lately self-care is becoming more welcomed in day to day living. This is a good thing. Self-care is important for many reasons, not the least of which is because if you aren’t cared for, how could you care for someone else?

Let’s talk a little about self-care. What comes to mind? Would it be time alone? A hot bath? A solitary walk? Or maybe it’s watching the movie you want to watch in cozy pajamas on your sofa. It really can be just taking care of your physical self, recharging your batteries, and letting go of the “to do’s” for a moment and instead just relax. Sometimes it means a 10-day cleanse. Joining an online group yoga class and showing up every week. Maybe it’s choosing salads and fresh fruits over fast food. The term self-care has many meanings.

Why is it important? Is it selfish? Will I feel guilty (I don’t want to feel guilty for taking time for myself!)? These are possible reactions to the idea of taking a break to practice self-care, but let me reassure you, you can’t afford not to take care of yourself. You’ve got to fill up your own cup before you can pour yourself out to others. Learning the delicate balance of giving and taking is a practice of discernment that comes when caring for yourself as you care for others. It’s different for different seasons of life. A young mom would be physically drained from chasing a toddler all day, whereas a parent of teens knows all too well the mental drain from drama that accompanies learning to let them go (slowly) into young adulthood. Adults caring for their parents know the physical and emotional drain that can come with caring for aging and changing parents. Every stage of life affords opportunity to recognize the need for self-care in order to sustain other-care.

During these unusual times in the year 2020, we’re afforded opportunities to be alone unlike days gone by. Our connections are dependent upon screens - phones, televisions, computers. While technology is a beautiful thing, we wrestle with the amount of time we spend on these screens. Perhaps we ought to include in our day an awareness of how that screen time makes us feel. Time spent on Zoom with our mother evokes a different response that when we mindlessly tap into Twitter for the latest news on the virus, right? Let’s push pause and consider how we’re spending our screen time. Is it depleting or uplifting? The choice points to how we’re caring for ourselves. You can set yourself up for success by taking time to assess how you’re spending the time. If you’re working from home perhaps turn off the computer after work and commit to device free evenings. If you’re trying to keep little ones occupied, it’s okay to put on Daniel the Tiger when you need a moment to work, but be sure and spend quality screen free time afterwards. Maybe it’s deleting news apps because we’re inundated with news, and we surely don’t need our phones pinging reminders of what’s happening now - we know, we know. It could be that you spend your days helping kiddos with their screen time schoolwork and you need a break for yourself. You could FaceTime your friend as you cook dinner, that’d be a fun screen time for you, right? It’s about choosing wisely. You get the idea. It’s being mindful of how we spend our screen time which leads to better life balance and less anxiety that often accompanies too much time in front of or mindlessly tuning into a screen.

However, it’s not always time spent unplugging from routine that makes for self-care. It’s equally important to take time every day to just be. Be still. Be at rest. Just be. When you get quiet with yourself, you get to know yourself. Getting to know what makes you think the way you do, observing the thoughts of your mind. The one who is observing is the real you - your true self! Being still, this is the threshold of letting stress and anxiety go, sitting with emotions or thoughts with non-judgment, and quietly observing one’s true self. Mindfulness and meditation offer tools and techniques to help you take care of yourself and can be practiced anytime and anywhere. Set a timer for 1 minute. It can be as simple as taking a breath in your nose and counting in your mind “1-2-3.” Repeat counting to three as you breathe out of your nose. Feel in your body how the rhythm of your breath affects your body and thoughts. Anchor your attention on your breathing and let other distractions go.

In review, self-care has many meanings. The common denominator is that it is necessary for wellness and health. So go ahead, take time to sit in stillness in a moment of this day. Every day is a gift. Use this gift and take care of yourself.